Magic Doodle

This is Chester.

Now, you would think that by looking at my sweet and adorable mutt, he is just as he seems: A sweet and adorable mutt.

You would be mistaken.

Chester possesses a mystical power beyond our comprehension. A talent, if used for evil, could be the downfall of us all.

Chester has a Magic Doodle.

You may be asking yourselves, "What the hell is a Magic Doodle?" The answer is not pretty. This Magic Doodle is Chester's...well... area.

It seems that Chester's Magic Doodle is ambrosia to other dogs. Canines from all walks of life flock to my seemingly innocent puppy-pie for a taste of it. They all gather 'round to smell it and lick it. He does not mind. He likes the attention.

I can't understand it! Does it heal the sick and wounded? Does it give small dogs Herculean-like strength? Does it make strong dogs weep? All Chester seems to use it for is to spray humongous amounts of tinkle on trees, shrubs, garbage and other detritus. Even small children are not safe from Chester's whiz. The dog pisses like a race horse.

Jeff and I have done all we can to discourage other dogs from treating Chester's whiz-hose as an ice-cream cone, but to no avail. They chase him like kids charging after an ice cream truck. The same dogs keep coming back again and again. It makes me wonder if the Magic Doodle excretes some addictive substance like MSG or crack-cocaine.

Even our other dog, Jet, is not immune to the powers of the Magic Doodle. She'll approach him when she thinks he's sleeping, just for a taste. Sometimes she'll do it in broad daylight. She'll sidle up to him, playing all sly and coy, like, "Just in for a quick sniff!". Then, boom! She's done it! Sneaky devil!

I have never seen anything quite like it. Chester is a walking doggie porno. If he were human, he'd be Ron Jeremy!

And all because of a Magic Doodle.

True Story.