Something embarrassing is about to happen to you.
You are in the doctor's little room, or perhaps at the hospital. You are naked from the waist down - not by choice, but because the nice nurse told you to, and you don't want to mess with her, because as nice as she was, she could do horrible things to you - and you are covered with the flimsy paper sheet so you don't accidentally flash your goods.
Perhaps you are naked, and wrapped in the cotton hospital gown, the one that you don't know how to close properly so you keep inadvertently showing your goods to unsuspecting nurses and people in the bed next to you.
What matters is this: you are vulnerable somehow, naked in a place that you only show to your lover, or to family members when you ask questions like: "Does my new tattoo/piercing look infected?" or "Is that a lump or an ingrown hair? I can't tell," or to strangers when you've had too much to drink and you flash this particular piece out of a car window screaming "WHOOOOOO!" as you hurtle past them at 80 kilometers an hour. But you've come to grips with this. You know what is happening to you is a necessary evil, like reality t.v. or Taylor Swift.
Soon, there is a knock on the door. In walks a middle-aged doctor, a genial-looking man wearing sneakers, jeans, and a lab coat with his name stitched over the pocket. "This isn't going to be so bad," you think to yourself. Suddenly, the door opens again and in walks a Hot Doctor. Your blood runs cold. "This is Doctor Hot Doctor," Doctor Nice Doctor tells you, "He's/she's a student doctor interested in this field. He/She assisting me on my rounds today." You break out in a sweat. You have immediately have forgotten Hot Doctor's name because you are FREAKING OUT.
You had forgotten about The Hot Doctor Law.
The law is as follows: The more vulnerable or naked you are, the hotter your doctor or assisting doctor is going to be. Hot Doctor is always of the opposite sex. If you are female, Hot Doctor is going to be male. If you are male, your Hot Doctor is going to be female. This law never fails.
Here are my suggestions if you are heading to a doctor's office:
- Dress nicely. Hot Doctor is going to be seeing you from the waist down; at least make an effort to be attractive from the waist up.
- Groom, and not just your head hair. Nice Doctor may see a bajillion jillion of what you have below the waist, but Hot Doctor may just be a student starting out. Keep his or her experience in mind.
- Don't refer to your significant other as your boyfriend/girlfriend and then mention your upcoming wedding. Nice Doctor may not say anything, but Hot Doctor will correct you, and then you will look like a desperate creep.
- It doesn't matter if you follow any of these rules. You will end up being embarrassed. Just be as nice as you can, try not to stutter too much, and don't make direct eye contact.
When your appointment is finished, and you've apologized to both Nice and Hot Doctor for crying/puking/accusing them of sorcery, you get dressed and walk out of the doctor's office as quickly as you can, not making eye contact with the receptionist. Nice Doctor wanted you to make another appointment, but you're confused, angry, and just a little bit sore. You'll call tomorrow because you just want to get the hell out of there and warn others of The Hot Doctor Law.
Heed my warning. It shall come to pass.
